some of my thoughts within my Pandora box

every rape survivor reacts and comes differently.  think if a bereavement there are different stages of grief and everyone would cope differently.  the days in which the abuse took place were most definitely the darkest and most traumatic days of my life.
sometimes I try ad picture a peaceful place like one of my favourite places Tunstall reservoir.  so calm so peaceful so quiet so still. when I panic I can become withdrawn from the current situation.  I am finding it most beneficial going to the gym to keep active and to distract myself from negative thoughts.
I am starting to realise that avoidance is not a solution. talking to close friends is useful but it isn’t always a solution either.

how do I deal with regularly occurring flashbacks?  I am going to try and write down the flashbacks and discuss them with my psychologist. I have a great deal of self blame  I never used to be able to cry out my feelings but now I can cry and feel I am able to let some of the things out that I would otherwise keep hidden and locked away  I use this metaphor of the Pandora box,  my liccy box. the box where my experiences good and bad, memories and emotions that are within the box but often remain shut and locked away. sometimes the lid of the liccy box opens slightly ajar and some memories and experiences are shared or indeed thoughts and feelings may be shared
l need to try and learn and to accept that there will be good and bad days but that this normal and is experienced by everybody. I am proud of what I have achieved and my stepping stones to success are evident.
I need to learn to set myself manageable goals. try not to blame myself when things go wrong. learn to be proud of myself. sometimes there will be times of sadness and extreme low days, but for me it is important to keep going and never give up hope.  allow myself time to recover and to take care of myself,  pamper myself and to learn to love myself more. believe that I am beautiful and a good person is going to take a long time before I start to praise and believe in myself.  there is no one way of coping and healing.
I do get a sense of satisfaction and slight relief when I am able to write down my thoughts and feelings on my blog as it is how I am feeling at tat specific moment in time and often this can be useful to look back on for reflective practice and therapy work.


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