did I get the job of course I didn’t? Apparently my interview answers were amazing my portfolio amazing qualifications amazing written task amazing that flipping amazing that I didn’t get the job???!!! Yeah cos that makes sense! They offered the job to a person who has worked to within the department for a while, so basically they already had someone lined up, I just have to tell myself I did great I got shortlisted down to 3 out of 60 and was told if they had a second post I would of got it! Might be a load of bull but makes me feel a light bit better! I just feel numb, like do I even deserve any good luck or happiness in my life at all, it just seems to be let down upset let down upset one after another after another after another and I’m getting warm out fed up and sick of it al now! I give everything I do my upmost I work bloody hard for everyone and within my job and for what I wonder for actual what?! Who am I actually appreciated by I do wonder sometimes as days months can go by and only a few very close friends keep in touch so are the other how ever many people on f book or social media just noisy at my riveting life and my posts and photos of going out ever night?! As if like I have that kind of life that’s a joke! Last weekend was one of the few nights out I’ve had in a long time and there’s was moments of that night i doubted myself as to whether I should be out or not! I do not know what has happened to the girl I used to be I think she’s locked in a closet somewhere and someone’s thrown away the key. To make matters worse today I saw one of the boys that created so much pain and suffering for me in the past.
He saw me looked me up and down and said wow you’re still amazingly gorgeous want me to show you back to my room?! How does he even have the check with the bloody smirky smiley smile on his face that I wish I had the ability to just wipe off,
But I was quite proud of my response,
Yes I’m gorgeous I know and I’m far more worthy of scum like you so jog on!
Felt quite proud of that even though I was trembling with fear and panic inside wondering if he would try and attack me or something. I said my piece and ran and kept on running until I knew he was out of site. Gotta myself together tried to stay calm went into a coffee shop and didn’t say a word to anyone about what had happened the guy should be locked up and the key thrown into the Atlantic Ocean never to be discovered by anyone every again! Hate is a strong word but it goes beyond hate for him and his so called best friend what they did to me I can never forgive and the mental scaring that they are still causing me is something I wish I could just magic away but no matter what medication what therapy I have they remain printed on the depths of my mind like a tattoo that can’t be lasered off. Things aren’t great for me and I’m very up and down at the minute and I can’t pin point what is making me feel so down. Hope it’s just a little blip and things star improving. But I guess no one takes disappointments easily!