Wet and wild Wednesday 

great old British weather I literally don’t think we are ever going to get a summer this year or actually I think we had ours in what like June? We had glorious very hot days then and now it’s raining every single day. What’s weird is the Lake District is usually the place where it can rain a lot but I visited this weekend and the weather was so sunny and beautiful whereas at home it was pouring day what on earth is up with that? Well my cpn came today for a check up visit. She was really pleased to see that I was doing much better confidence wise, she’s pleased I’ve started gradually going out and meeting my friends at bit more than I used to but I still find this nerve wracking deep down. I’m going to a job interview for a speech therapist assistant which is the opportunity I have been waiting for as its within the nhs and works with a wider range of children and has more opportunities for training and progression than my current job. My current job I love but there’s redundancies being made so I think it’s time I applied for other things. I was lucky I have been shortlisted for interview out of 70 candidates and they are interviewing only 3 people and I’m one of them. I am obviously nervous but I have planned interview questions and answers and have done a lot of research in the speech and language area and I have put a portfolio together of my current resources all I can do is try my best and if I know in myself I have done my best that’s the main thing! I am still having horrendous sleep problems, or when I do sleep I’m having flashbacks and nightmares from my past, the shower is still difficult, sometimes anxiety attacks come over me for no apparent reason and if I’m in a strange place ie a shop I just have to leave when the attack comes on,  occasionally still getting voices sometimes positive and sometimes negative voices. I am still incredibly lethargic but I am trying my best to push my self to do more, I have developed a great support network And one of my best friends has bipolar so he can relate to what I’m going through and helps me a lot. I’m very tearful at the minute and have been doubting things but I’m getting reassurance off people that things are good and that I am doing just fine. However my medication is being increased again which makese feel quite numb like maybe it’s a lie that people are saying they notice a difference in me is it a good difference or bad difference who knows and  getting quite sick of taking a cocktail of tablets but this is something I will have to accept as the bipolar is for life. But I do think I’m starting to get my confidence my drive and some of my ambition to succeed in life back again so it can’t be all that bad! Hope everyone else is doing good, keep going! Happy blogging! Bye for now x


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