Exhausted just isn’t the word

My Monday morning at work has been upsculted and I’m not good at coping with change! I was suppose to me doing OT in the hall but the hall is getting decorated for the year 6 leavers. So I have a full day of speech and language instead. I love doing speech and language but my energy levels are so low today I’m glad I’m not doing OT/PE to be honest. I had an horrendous night last night I kept having what I think was nightmares I’m not sure as it didn’t feel like I slept but there were vivid images perhaps hallucinations of horrific events from my past my boyfriend told me I was sat bolt right saying go away go away and acting out pushing them away! And sobbing my heart out, and my eyes were open! He tried talking to me but got no response he said and eventually I laid down and rolled on my side crying but did go to sleep he thinks for a while. He said that the shouting and crying had lasted a few hours and he felt awful that he couldn’t get me out of whatever was going on! The fear of the mirror and the girl standing there is becoming a stronger fear again, the cars that certain people drove I am seeing everywhere as though they are following me, sometimes if I’m reading and I look up I see the boys standing there looking smug and laughing and pointing at me, I know it’s all just an illusion and it’s happening only head and my minds playing tricks but it all feels so real as though I’m reliving the past all over again! If I explain all this to my cpn she’s going to have great concern about me. I have been alone this weekend and it’s been really difficult I didn’t sleep all night Saturday and I kept seeing figures in the darkness that were making me feel scared and anxious but I couldn’t work out what they were. I had a voice telling me to reset the alarm and I checked it three times and something asking me are you sure your safe? Which was terrifying. During the day things were easier and I didn’t feel so afraid, but I felt exhausted I forced myself to stay awake incase anyone called round to see me. I don’t have any answers to why I’m feeling like this but it really isn’t a good thing 


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