If it’s not one thing it’s another…

so like the hospital advised today I saw my dentist. And it wasn’t good news I did have a dislocated jaw so he had to crack it back into place! I thought the ear pain I’m having was beyond bareable but having your jaw cracked back into place went above that I nearly hit the roof! And even after the cracking back into place it is still out of place, the dentist said that the ear bone is closely connected to jaw bone so the pain I have from my ear is also affecting the pain in my jaw which all in all is become a living nightmare! I am somehow hanging on and trying to remain upbeat and telling myself that it is in the process of getting things sorted hopefully once and for all. However the hearing loss and damage that has been caused will never be replaced. But it’s the emotional trauma that’s getting to me I’m so emotional and erratic with my mood and crying a lot cos no matter what painkillers I’m taking nothing is working, and I just want some relief! I know there’s people out there that are going through horrendous illnesses and cancers etc and I cannot begin to understand or comprehend the difficulty of this and the optimism and positivity that these individuals somehow manage to have. You see films where there might be a cancer patient who is suffering so much and they know that it will soon be the end, yet they don’t wings they don’t complain they don’t have erratic mood swings they manage to stay positive. If only I could have this kind of spirit. The bipolar inside of me is starting to take control of me, and I don’t want this to happen, I do not want to go into the deeps of depression again, I don’t want to feel sorry for myself, but I’m struggling and when I try to explain to my close ones it sea like they don’t really understand. 

  

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